When my Taiwanese roommate Angie came to visit last year, she left me a book called Third Culture Kids. I put off reading it for a while, but when I saw another reference to TCK's that rang a chord of recognition, I dusted it off. A quick read, I charged through, feeling moments of resonance, "Aha!"-like epiphany and deep welling emotion.
The book describes the phenomenon in positive terms and eschews discussion of "pathology" or "problems reintegrating", positing these TCKs as the "prototype" 21st century global citizens growing up in a world that is more connected and where "connectors" may be more valued . The idea is kids growing up in a culture not of either parent form a hybrid of the 2 cultures bridging the gap and essentially forming life patterns based on these differences. Consider for a moment, one surrounds one's self with like minded multi-culti friends. I chose these friends based on that sense of recognition and compatibility, together we form our own culture. I am more likely to have something in common with someone who grew up in more than one culture, regardless of whether they share my exact cross cultural experiences (unlikely- altho I do have one other person who HAS shared this with me....) because it requires a certain mindset. This also explains why Angie and I hit it off so well (and quickly). But there are many more people who "belong" simply because they were born and live in the same place, for whom I will always be "other" culturally and racially.
This book validates my experience growing up as an expat kid in a country where I was "other". This doesn't mean I felt excluded or not integrated, but it acknowledges the emotional and mental distance I had while at the same time trying desperately to belong... I embrace all my experiences and celebrate them yet it helps me recognize finally the feeling of isolation I have had for so many years in terms of cultural identity.
Looking more closely at my family history- my mom is a TCK. Her family left China when she was 2 years old, following Grandpa's work with the diplomatic corp in Kolkata, West Bengal India. After the end of the Chinese Civil war, with the fall of the KMT Nationalist government her family fled to Dhaka, Bangladesh (formerly East Pakistan). Grandpa found work at the local university teaching Chinese literature. Subsequently when she was 12, they moved to Hong Kong (a British colonial outpost), where they lived for 10 years. My mom is fiercely nationalistic, defending the country against any perceived criticism. It always bugged me that she defended China so vehemently, until I understood her history as a TCK and realized that the country she defends has never really existed except as that golden ideal, that promised land of "Home" in her mind and heart. That her rah-rah nationalism is an expression of her overwhelming desire to belong somewhere. (Sadly her last visit to China proper as an adult was so miserable that she swore never to return "home" again... but memories fade and ingrained behaviors revert to the norm.)
I have a different take on things, my idyllic dreams of the "green and pleasant land" shattered by the reality of living in England for 2 years to finish off my high school A Levels. I experienced such a profound rejection by the native English that I have never truly considered myself as belonging, altho my passport is British. This is not to say that everyone treated me this way, on the contrary, I have several dear friends who generously included me in their lives and families. However, my OVERALL experience (despite the kindness I received) was one of alienation. I always thought my sense of cultural dissonance stemmed from being biracial. That I was a combination of my parents' two nationalities/cultures as English and Chinese. That the white (and subsequent Asian) rejection of me stemmed from my mixed race. But now I think it must have been at least a combination of factors both racial and cultural. I spent most of my formative years- four to 18 in Jamaica. So in essence I'm at least partially culturally Jamaican. Luckily Jamaica embraced cultural differences- "out of many- one people" and was warmly inclusive and accepting (don't get me started on the homophobia and religious dominance). Now I have found (to my relief) a home in San Francisco, a multi-culti melting pot of people, where my differences are celebrated and not weirdly out of place, where most everybody is from somewhere else- Whether another state or another country... Newly sworn as a voting citizen, (culturally American/expat for almost 20 years) I look forward now to acting as a catalyst- forming a global community based on communication, where the effective gestalt of national/cultural/racial/linguistic traits is not seen as damage but is celebrated and used as the bridge to international cooperation. Dare we hope for WORLD PEACE?